We need to talk.

Heeeeeeeeeeey.

So, yeah. I hate that I have to bring this up. I mean, it might hurt a little. But--you've been hanging out here for quite a while now. And at this point, you're sort of loafing about, quietly ignoring me, hoping I don't notice it. It's almost like you're starting to think life is all about, you know, just sitting there and looking pretty.

And I'll admit it--I've let you do it. I mean, hey, you do look good. Real good. Especially the way the light hits you right there--like that. Your skin's almost flawless. And your curves--shoot, they're nice and solid, just the way I like them.

But I've been around the block, and I can tell you one thing: looks aren't everything, and can only take you so far. Sure, you're all shapely and firm and whatnot now. But in time, you may sag. You may lose some of your flavor. And if this goes on too long, you may just become a shell of your former self.

You need to get out there and learn that it's not what's on the outside that counts. And for your own good--for our own good--I've decided that we should say goodbye. Because if I know anything, I know that you'll just rot inside if you stay. And so, butternut squash taking up counter space, it is with a heavy, hungry heart that I say: it's time for a change. And change will be very, very good.