Wake Me Up Before You Go and Go and Go

Even though I do not personally know my next-door neighbor--as in, I do not even know if said neighbor is a he or a she--I do have a special relationship with him/her. And that relationship is what I like to call "The Big Battle of the Good Morning."

Here's the deal. After a recent and unnecesarily long search for a much-needed new alarm clock--something suitably cute, sized right for my small space, and not too terribly run-of-the-mill (because you know how alarm clocks can get)--I finally found a timekeeper I liked. Finally! The night I brought it home, I set it to wake me for work the following day and went to sleep with a smile. After all, the search was over. A cute new bedside clock was mine!

BUT THIS IS WHERE WE APPROPRIATELY SWITCH TO ALL-CAPS, Y'ALL, BECAUSE THE NEXT MORNING, THIS IS HOW IT WOKE ME UP. LOUD, EVIL, SCREAM-Y, AND "GET-UP-OR-I-WILL-SLAY-YOU-WITH-MY-PAINFUL-BANSHEE-WAIL-SOUND"-Y.

In all my life, I have never been so frightened by something so small and seemingly harmless. Never! I seriously can't believe someone let that moster out of its cage and on to retail shelves where a nice lady like me can just pick it up, pay for it like a decent law-abiding citizen, place it innocently in her very own home, and then subject herself to its horrible, horrible wrath. I say, no! I do not deserve this kind of treatment! I have rights, here!

So apparently does my neighbor.

There is no doubt in my mind that the lady/man next door also hears the beast awaken. For various reasons (insert grimace here), I am 99% sure that his/her bed is, like mine, lined up against the wall we share. In fact, I am pretty sure I've heard him/her physically startle from my alarm a few times--bracing him/herself on that wall, WINCING in pain. This shared experience is clearly just as wretched for him/her as it is for me.

But before you actually start feeling sorry for my neighbor, I want you to just wait right there a tick.

Do you happen to be a fan of 1010 Wins--you know, that awful all-news radio station that has a constant, grating teletype sound playing in the background? No? Me either. But my neighbor is. And so is his/her radio alarm clock, which is the kind that not only gets louder and louder the more time you DON'T turn it off, but is also one that you can set to repeat at the same time every morning....meaning that the alarm next door sounds whether or not my neighbor is even there. Which isn't that often, apparently, because for most of my morning ritual these days, I have the pleasure of grooming myself to the increasing volume of a CHHH-CHHH-CHHH-CHHH-CHHH spewing its hate at me--and my own Satan clock--right through my own damn wall.

It's a full-on war here in Brooklyn, folks. And in the spirit of the holidays, I am raising a white flag (or a red and green one, whatever we're doing right now). I'm again on the hunt for a new clock, and the pics way back up at the start of this post--my longest one ever on a basic product roundup--are on my list. And this time, I am checking it twice. Because if any of those cute alarm clocks sounds like a creature from the pits of hell the morning after I get it home, this soldier is officially moving to a new basecamp.

Here are the sources:

BaseStation for Apple iPhone 4, Led Alarm Clock, Cdock, Authentics Blanc LED Alarm Clock, Jet Travel Clock, Alarm Dock